It’s my birthday…

It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to…

Not to worry…it’s a happy cry!!

I just feel so overwhelmed with the spirit of God. To truly know what it is to experience His love is beyond measure. Something I really struggle to find the words to describe…

I started my day this way as I met Him, like I usually do first thing in prayer:

 Dear Lord, I thank you for another year of opportunities to choose joy. To live in gratitude. I failed more times than I got it right, but you loved me anyway. So grateful for your love, grace & mercy…That you stood right there and waited for me to look up to you.

You never desire perfection, you just want my heart… and now I see me through your eyes. And I can love myself, because you loved me first. And I desire only your love and affection and approval. Thank you for never leaving me alone…

Today and always I ask you shower me with your glory. Make me new in you. Use me Lord. Let your light shine through me. My birthday wish is to live only for you. Thank you for your abounding love. Amen

I feel that I am a “new believer”…having known God my whole entire life, but not until recently did I really know what God was offering up to me…

Today happens to be my birthday. And I don’t know about you, but my birthday, much like Christmas, had become a day that was a reminder of disappointment. I know this sounds absolutely horrible, but I am just being honest. To no fault of anyone, other than myself, I just never quite felt what I expected to on my birthday.

I have grown up, all 36 years of my life, learning and believing I could have anything I desired. This fostered a false reality that I was the creator of my destiny. Through various forms of manipulation and persuasion I mastered the skills to create my desired reality and I was greatly successful at this.

I do not share this to put myself down or discount what I have been blessed with or negate the love I have received today and on all birthdays from friends and family, and the Lord alike. Rather, to bring light to how easily this world and the enemy can lie and manipulate someone destined for greatness. Someone with a great purpose, gifted with much…

Take for instance, the story of Saul of Tarsus. He was a gifted leader and communicator, yet he was using these gifts for anything other than for God’s glory. In fact, he was an extreme persecutor of Christians; even sharing in the murder of Stephen, a disciple of Christ. However, he was confronted directly by Jesus from heaven on the road to Damascus, and as a result was completely transformed in Christ. He then began living for Christ and using his gifts for God’s glory and in fact was privileged to write many books in the New Testament, as he became the Christian apostle Paul.

From an early age I was taught the power of the mind, and more importantly to work hard and believe in myself and to dream BIG and trust with Christ I can do all things. These are all good principles, and were proven to be true and very rewarding in my experiences. However, because my foundation was not in Christ alone, my successes did not come without its downfalls…I was:

  • Never satisfied…
  • Always wanting more…
  • Ungrateful…
  • Anxious/stressed…
  • Impossible to please…
  • Outrageous expectations…
  • Self-righteous…
  • Judgmental…
  • Jealous…and more..

All leading to an overwhelming feeling of disappointment and discontentment…

Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. John 12:25-26

How could this be, you might ask…

From the outside it appeared I had it all, including a relationship with God. But allow me to remind you, I had not ever truly studied the word of the Bible or let it come alive in me. So no matter how much I was blessed to receive and experience, it would never truly be enough until I surrendered my will to the Lord and accepted that it was not I who was the creator of my destiny, but Christ Jesus, who allowed me to experience these tremendous blessings and favor. See, He was allowing me to taste the riches of His favor as he was gifting me much; standing by just waiting for me to look up to Him…so that He could begin His work in me…and through me…and that started not only with me living for Him and His will, but learning to be content.

 “But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.” 1 Tim 6: 6-8

There is rich simplicity of just being myself before God. To being unapologetically me. Imperfectly, perfect before the Lord who created me.

 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Like Saul, I had an encounter with the Lord, and I was made new.  And each day is yet another opportunity to take up the cross and die daily (Luke 9:23).

Although some of those opportunities come with struggle and strife, I can find joy and gratitude in the midst as I know I am being refined, and as iron sharpens iron I grow stronger and stronger in my knowledge of His word and what all He has entrusted to me….

Today is my birthday. And today, with the help of a dear friend, I am especially reminded that I am a child of the one true king. I am co-heirs of Jesus Christ the Lord and therefore, I am delighted to share with you that this birthday has been unlike any other. For I did not expect anything this world could possibly offer me; but I took the opportunity all day to serve the Lord and thank him for the gift of this amazing life where He allows me to fail and fail over and again as he reminds me of his overwhelming love and grace and continues to help me get back up again…for much has been entrusted to me and I do not take that lightly…

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor 12:9

5 thoughts on “It’s my birthday…”

  1. So beautiful, Krissa. There are so many powerful truths here. It is blessing and inspiring to see your story with God unfold! May this be your Happiest, most Fulfilling Birthday yet!! 🎁🎉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Kelli. I am so blessed by your friendship and mentorship. As a result I am able to process what I am experiencing with you and better understand and in addition feel great support. You are an inspiration and your burning desire to know and please the Lord is contagious. Love you dear friend and simply amazed by you.

      Liked by 1 person

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